Our Family Members Say
To the Facilitators of the first Family Connections course in Israel,
Words can’t adequately express the immense gratitude that we all feel for everything that you have done for our group and for the greater community of people who have a family member suffering from BPD or emotional dysregulation.
Your wisdom, compassion and your drive to give to others what you yourself have learned (and internalized) is so inspiring!
The Graduates of the 1st Israeli Family Connections Group
To the Facilitators of the third Family Connections course in Israel,
Thank you so much for spearheading the running of the Family Connections course. We all gained a tremendous amount. We appreciate the time and effort that you invested as well as all the personal sharing that you did.
The Graduates of the 3rd Israeli Family Connections Group
To the Facilitators of the first Hebrew Family Connections course in Israel,
Thank you for giving so fully of your time and energy. Your sharing of your personal experiences is so invaluable. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!!!
The Graduates of the 4th Israeli Family Connections Group
To the Facilitators of the sixth Family Connections course in Israel,
IF with apologies to Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you,
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you.
If you can trust yourself when your loved one doubts you,
But make allowance for their doubting too.
If you can validate yourself and not validate the invalid,
And being lied about, don’t deal in lies.
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
Use benign assumptions and keep your mind wise.
If you can dream and not make dreams your master,
If you can THINK and make emotional regulation your aim.
If you can use a DEARMAN and be listened to,
And regulate behavior and achieve a winning game.
If you can radically accept the truth that’s spoken,
Accept and change and sometimes bend the rules.
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And be mindful and build them up with DBT tools.
If you can nurture yourself and keep to what you feel is true,
Dive for ice and use your loving touch.
If neither outbursts nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you even when things feel too much.
If you can fill the forgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of brainstorming run,
THEN You must be Meshulam and Lena who fill the earth with caring and encompass everything that’s in it.
And-which is more-you create solid family connections
To those who are warmed under your shining sun.
Family Connections 2018 (the sixth Israeli Family Connections group) at The Place
Our Family Connections Participants Also Say …..
- Thank You!
- Thank you so much for the Family Connections sessions, all your hard work and moral support. We learned so much and gained tremendously from the experience. May you go from strength to strength.
- Thanks for all the effort you so clearly put into all of this, and for making a special effort to keep the workshop and information relevant for me as the sole “child of” in the group, and one who knows that NPD was a factor in my family member’s pathology.
- Thank you so much for presenting the FC course. It has been more helpful than you can possibly imagine! Now the hard part begins – practicing the skills in a real life situation!
- An important class for all adults and teens [to take], not only parents of BPD sufferers.
- An amazing, empowering, and positive experience. Professional and meaningful – Sorry it is ending!
- The leaders were wonderful, super prepared and knowledgeable.
- Family Connections not only gave me more skills to deal with the situations we all are facing but also gave me much support in my own life challenges. [I even used it with a very upset legal client of mine!]
- The past few months were a growth experience for us. Recently I spoke with “my loved one” – he answered my call! – and I felt myself slipping into an old pattern. I stopped it and simply started describing and validating. It worked. He even replied to a text I sent him later…I realize that I need to review the skills regularly. Are there alumnae meetings? Thank you for all your work, time and patience. It was special getting to know others in similar circumstances.
- I want to thank you for these last few months of learning, inspiration and support. I really feel that we have come out stronger and healthier. Now is the time to use our skills and reflect, brush up on what we learnt and keep looking for more tools…”we can always do better but we are doing the best we can in this moment…”.
- So is there a Family Connections alumnae group? [Yes, please contact us for further information.]
And What About One Year After Completing the Program….
My “loved one” visited around Thanksgiving. I used my skills, and the visit succeeded beyond my expectations. My entire family felt this way. Rather than being on edge (well, I was a little) I practiced radical acceptance that there might be some wacky behavior. And there was. But for the most part, we anticipated it and went with it.
I spoke with a relative before the visit, and expressed one of my largest issues, that of embarrassment when this loved one goes on “rants” about various topics. The advice helped so much: “It is what it is. If someone has a problem, they can leave.”
My family made our loved one feel accepted. I also anticipated that there could be some tension over the holiday weekend, so I asked some extended family members not to be there. In all, it was probably the best experience I’ve had with this person in many years.
I think the two words I would use to describe this success are “accept and anticipate.” Accept that there’s going to be challenging moments, and anticipate how to make them as least disruptive as possible [MG: in DBT-speak, prepare cope-aheads].
When no one judged her, so much tension dissipated. And when she acted a little off, we all thought, “That’s her. We love her and accept her, it’s part of the package.”
Just to let you know, [over a year later] I still am using resources from the course. Mostly, it gave me the correct perspective and I feel less pressure from the situations that arise. My son and I meet once a week and go out for a drink and he opens up to me on a regular basis. He swings away at times but I just patiently wait for him to return and he always does. I feel that I can really be there for him and that he knows deep down inside that he has a father who loves and cares for him and whom he can rely on ….this goes to show how effective the tools and education are. Thank you for your help and looking forward to hearing from you…..
As one particpant said: “Before participating in Family Connections I knew I was not alone, after participating, I felt that way.”